This week’s self-portrait makes me very nervous and was one of the first ideas that came to me when I decided to do the 52 Weeks of Self-Portrait project. I know it may seem like a regular photo to you but this photo was very hard for me to take and shows one of my biggest insecurities just out there for all to see. If you didn’t notice on my right knee I have a scar that is 8 inches long going straight down the middle (I like to joke the grim reaper made it with his scythe). I received this scar at the age of 13 after getting knee surgery to temporarily correct an incurable genetic knee disorder that I have in both knees (basically my knees dislocated whenever they want and I usually end up in the hospital every few years to get it put back in, and afterwards I can’t walk for about a month). I only have the one scar because I didn’t get surgery done of the 2nd knee as the surgery was so brutal I still haven’t recovered feeling/full motion 16 years later and the surgery doesn’t cure the problem instead it’s like a 4 year band aid. Although it’s a part of me I do go to great lengths to hide it from everyone, in fact there are some people who’ve been friends with me for years who’ve never seen it and don’t even know I have it. I almost never leave the house without wearing pants, leggings, or over the knee socks because of it and I can’t even remember what it’s like to wear shorts in the summer. I’ve worked on my insecurity a lot and yes in the last few years my rules about leaving the house with it covered have loosened and inside my house I wear whatever the hell I want but it’s still not something I go out of my way of share with people so today I’m sharing it with you. I’ve got plenty of other scars on my body that I’m proud of and not afraid to show the world but for some reason my knee one just breaks me down, so I decided it was important to include in this project. It’s who I am, and considering I will always have this knee disorder I should embrace it. I’ve actually thought a great project to do would be to do a whole series of people showing their scars and help them feel glamorous and beautiful despite any insecurity they have, it’s certainly something I need to work on myself!
Oh and it was snowing on me when I took this photo, why, Montreal, why? Although it has been only -3 most of the week the gods will not let us have spring just yet even though the time went back today (yay still sunny at 6pm!). At least it was warm enough to sit outside today barefoot in a large sweater and no pants on…cos that’s normal. My sweater btw is My Little Pony, so glorious. Check the photo below for a better look at it. Hope you have a great week and are feeling flawless today.
Another note, if you follow this project and noticed the number just leaped up from 43 to 49 today you are not crazy. I am apparently terrible at counting to 52 and for the last few weeks have been thinking it’s crazy that I had so many weeks left to do when I started this project in April. So yesterday I looked back at all my posts and realized a few of them had the same number and in September I actually put a number that was 6 weeks behind for some reason even though the week before was correct and have been counting 6 weeks behind since….I know…you can shake your head. I realize it’s really dumb of me and I’ve vowed never again to start writing this post at 3am as apparently I can’t count late at night, lol. That means only 3 weeks left!